


Not Until Dawn

by phanfictrashalex



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bullying, Coming Out, Divorce, Highschool!Phan, Hospitalisation, Hospitalization, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-17 08:13:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanfictrashalex/pseuds/phanfictrashalex
Summary: Dan is just a 16 year old teen that is trying to make it in the world, trying to be accepted in his life. His dad abandoned him when he was young, but his younger brother lives with him. He doesn't generally know why people hates himPhil is the 17 year old that likes to make Dan's life a living hell. He is quarterback for the football team, and he is very popular around the school. But maybe there's something in his life that is affecting him and the only way he knows how to take it out is on other people. That other person being Dan.Dan doesn't know why Phil says the things he does, or acts the way that he acts. But he does know that if it doesn't stop soon that everything will be over. With the mix of school, bullying, and home situations he wants to end it.At one point, he does decide to try and end it, but will the one person who hates you try their hardest to keep you alive? What feels like to torture you, but to cherish you?  Who ignores you but has conversations with you?  What is it like to have no one hate you? That's the questions that Dan asks himself, he never would know why someone could be so cruel but so damn pretty.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be the list of possible triggers in this fic, please do not continue to read if these could trigger you in anyway possible.
> 
> hospitalisation  
> self harm  
> bullying  
> homophobic slurs  
> homophobic parent  
> suicide  
> eating disorder(maybe)  
> sexual assault(or abuse) (maybe)  
> neglect  
> Divorce mentions

Dan is the person that always has trouble out of people and doesn't know why. Since day one of his highschool life; because he had switched schools, there had been one person plus the entire football team that attacked him for no reason. The main person who caused him hell was Philip Lester.

Phil was the quarter back for the football team, so he was instantly everyone's favourite. He was the one who you would always hear about when it came to sports. He was the person who caused Dan the most distress. He never really knew why he had started, but after he had started he knew that he couldn't stop. He had the entire football team attacking Dan and all he did was sit back and laugh.

Phil wasn't the type of person who you would think would play football and be somewhat decent at it. He was actually the type of person who would stay home on a Saturday and watch anime until he had to leave the house. He wouldn't tell anyone that though because he knew that he would instantly be the one being attacked. The prey and not the predator.

Days became more and more of a living hell for Dan though; he never knew when would be the last straw for him. He never knew how much it would take for him to snap because he just continued to let it happen.

Dan's home life wasn't the best, his mother was never home and his father left after getting a divorce with his mother. He took Dan's younger brother, Ryan, with him. He had only saw him once since then, and that was two years ago. Dan's mother was always out trying to get money in any possible way to feed herself and Dan, she never meant to be gone for as long as she was. Dan got used to that after a while though, so he never expected for her to be home.

Phil's home life wasn't the best either, his father had left him at a very young age. He never really cared for him, Phil always wanted to be a better person then his dad was. His mother works, but does actually see and talk to Phil when she comes home from work.

It was Monday, one of Dan's least favourite days. Not saying that any day where he had to come to school was his favourite, but there was a special hatred for Monday in his heart. He got out of bed, got dressed and was off to school.

He knew if he ever said his walks to school weren't peaceful, that he would be lying to himself. It was one of the most peaceful parts of his day. That was the time he had to get his emotions out with music before school started. Everything normally went downhill from there though, and even if he wouldn't admit it, he was scared of Phil and really didn't want anything to do with him.

When he got to school, the old red bricked building, that's when Phil's torment started. "Hey faggot, what are you doing?" Phil would always say when he first saw him in the mornings. Dan just learned to shove it off, that he would eventually leave him alone.

When classes started, he didn't really have Phil in his classes, which was something he was thankful for. He didn't know if he would survive this year with Phil in is classes. Last year had been awful with him in them, he always threw something at Dan, or shoved him before exiting the room. Dan had requested not to be in any of Phil's classes this year because of it, he knew that there would probably be more coming for him this year than last year. But he could never tell with Phil.

It was Phil in the halls and during lunch that always had him in the floor or in the library. Phil passed him when he went to maths and Phil went to biology. He always was shoved to the ground, and his books were always kicked around. If he saw him during lunch, there would be food that ended up on his clothes or in his hair because Phil always shoved his try on Dan when he got the chance. 

Phil was worse after school though, there would be more slurs and violence after school. His books would get kicked around more, he would get kicked and punched. He tried to get out of there before Phil saw him, but sometimes it didn't work that way for him. 

When he was at home, safe in his own room, he would cry. Not because any of it hurt, that was something he was used to by now, but because there was no one there who could do anything about it. Phil was popular, and Dan was the loser in the school. No one would ever come to his mercy and say something about it because it was always just 'Phil being Phil' and that was something that Dan never understood.

How could someone be so cruel and have nothing done about it. At this point Dan was convinced that he could kill someone and get away with it; because they don't take actions on him when he hurts someone to the point where they're bleeding or they have a broken bone. 

Dan was also the boy who was depressed, sometimes suicidal. He experienced heartbreak once, and that was something that he never wanted to experience again. It was one of the most painful times in his life, but he knew that he had to deal with it because there would be no one there to save him. Time and time again, there is no one there to save or help Dan when there is something in his life that is going on. His own mother wasn't around half of the time so he knew that no one else would take pity on him.

There was another thing to it though, he never wanted anyone else's pity. He just wanted someone to tell him that everything was going to be okay. He never knew why that was so hard to ask. 

He just wanted someone to be there when he was down, ask him what is wrong. Even if he wouldn't tell them the truth, he wanted to feel cared for. It was something that he hadn't experienced since his parents got divorced two years ago.

He knew that his brother would care for him if he ever got to see him. He knew that he would always be at his side making sure that everything was okay. That's how his brother always has been and it would break Dan's heart to see that his brother was any different.

Truth be told, his brother wasn't that much different. He cared about others and put them first before himself. It was always a subconscious thing to him. He reminded Dan so much of his mother that it made him sad to see him go. It was losing a part of his life that he couldn't get back until they were both old enough to see each other again.

But, he knew that he had lost that part of his life a long time ago, and there was no point in trying to get it back. He knew that his brother was probably so much happier without Dan around being the annoying person that he was. 

That was how Dan had always felt about the whole situation, and it seems like that's how he always will.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read the tags before reading the fic or the chapter, if you didn't see the note thing before. I also placed the trigger warnings in the notes on the first chapter so please go and read those before reading.

It was Tuesday, Dan had woken up late and was in a rush to go to school. He knew that even if he didn't go to school no one would really notice but he knew that he had to go because he would have to do makeup school work if he didn't.

Tuesday wasn't as bad as Monday in the sense that he had to wake up for school, but it was still the same or worse then Monday in the sense that he got harassed. Sometimes it got worse during the week, sometimes it didn't. This week was one of those weeks where it just got worse. The physical bullying, and the verbal harassment that he had to deal with during school hours, on school grounds.

It never made sense to him that no one did anything about it. They always saw it happening to him and no one even bothered to blink an eye. But when he knew when you thought about it, he was a quarterback for the football team, so of course no one would blink an eye. They really didn't care what he did as long as it wasn't illegal, even though he was pretty sure that the physical abuse that he goes through with Phil is border line illegal. Still, no one noticed, no one cared.

At that point it was normal for Dan though, he knew that no one would cared if something happened to him, no one would care until he was dead. Not from the bullying, no, but from the thoughts that constantly went on inside of his head. The battle that he deals with every single day, sometimes not wanting to wake up the next morning. He did anyway, he did it for his mother. After losing his dad a few years ago he wanted to do everything he could to stay alive for her.

He knew that it would break her heart if Dan even tried to kill himself. Even if she wasn't home much, she put in the effort to try and see Dan a few times a month. That was enough to Dan, he knew that she was trying, she was working, and she was struggling as well. But sometimes it felt as if he was invisible to everyone around him, no one realising his pains and troubles.

He knew that he should try and tell someone about it, but he also knew that they wouldn't ever have the money to pay for it. It was a lot just to try and go to a therapist, not to mention the medicine prices. If they ever tried to hospitalise him, he knew that they just wouldn't have the funds to be able to pay for it. To pay the thousands of dollars just to tell him that he is okay, he might be wanting to die and he knew how to cheat the system and get out easily. But he knew if they ever did, the longer they keep him in the more money that it would cost his mother.

Dan got dressed, and walked to school. Not caring if he was late, not having an excuse other than the fact his alarms didn't go off and wake him up. At least he wouldn't have to deal with Phil's torment in the morning, he knew that he would the rest of the day though, since he wasn't there this morning.

That's how it always was for him, if he didn't show up in the mornings for whatever reason Phil would torment him to the point where he wished he didn't even show up that day. It wasn't even the harassment that got to him anymore, as much as it did, the physical bullying got to him even more now then the verbal harassment.

As much as Dan actually enjoyed school, he didn't like the people aspect of it. He loved and enjoyed learning about what is going on in the world, but he didn't like the people. He didn't like how the teachers taught, he didn't like how the kids could do anything as long as it wasn't illegal.

He knew if he did anything of the sort that he would be in detention, possibly kicked out of school. If he ever tried to fight back against Phil that he would be the one who started the fight, and he would be the one paying the consequences.

When he was younger, and his mother was around more, she always asked about the bruises that he would have when he came home from school. He remembered saying that the bruises were from falling on his way to school. He didn't know how often she actually believed him when he said that, but she didn't ask about them until more showed up on his body. That was always his excuse for it.

Sometimes he would have to make up different excuses though, because they were too big to be where he fell on the cement on the way to school. Sometimes he would say that he was playing sports during gym and someone accidentally pushed him. Sometimes he would even say that when he was playing sports that a basketball hit him in the face. He never knew how believable that his excuses were, but she didn't ask until the next time.

The next time was a lot, she started to see that something was up with him. She went and talked with the school, and they didn't know any information on why Dan was getting the bruises that he had on his body. They didn't know that Phil was the reasoning for it, or they would've told her and did something about it.

After his parents got divorced, she started being gone a lot more. It had been two years, and he could remember it like it was yesterday. They were fighting a lot, arguing about financial issues and how no one was helping with it. How that his dad never helped with anything around the house and how he didn't even care for their kids. He knew that something was up, and something bad was going to happen.

His dad did work, it wasn't like he didn't. But he didn't help with anything else, even though he did work, it didn't hardly help with their financial issues. He bought a lot of useless items that they didn't need. His mother on the other hand, worked, and it did help. She made sure that they somehow had food on their plates and roof over their heads.

After the argument, when they got the money for it, they got divorced. His dad took his brother, who was younger than him by two years, and they moved. After they moved away, his mother started to be gone from the house a lot more, trying to get the money to keep Dan alive and to keep herself alive. After those two years, he knew he could say that she worked hard and she really cared for Dan.

About the same time that this all happened, Dan had started highschool and everything in his life started to go down from there. There was one thing that he did know, that it was going to be a nightmare that he was living in. Day by day things got worse, not with home because that was already at it's lowest point, but at school. That was when he first met Phil, the football star of the school.

From that moment on, his school life has been a nightmare. That's where he is today, a junior in highschool, constantly getting bullied and harassed by a football player. He knew that something had to be going on in his life to make him want to do that to Dan, he never brought it up though because he knew that would make Phil more likely to make fun of him. That was something that Dan knew he couldn't solve.

There was something going on in Phil's life that made him want to be rude towards others and cause physical pain towards them. It was his family issues, he knew that he shouldn't get angry at people but it was the way that he learned to take out his pain, to take it out on others.

His dad left him when he was young, and he was torn about that. Phil knew that something was off at a young age, he didn't know why everyone else had a fatherly figure and he didn't. When he got a little older, his mother explained to him what happened and why he didn't have a father.

It was still something that Phil didn't know the entire story to, he knew that there was more to it than him running and leaving him and his mother to exist. He wanted to know the more to it, and that's how he got to where he was now. Physically bullying Dan, verbally being rude towards a lot of people. He knew that it wasn't a proper explanation of why he was mean towards others. But he thought it was a logical enough reasoning to it, it was his way to cope with life and its how he ended up where he is.


	3. Chapter 3

Lunch had went surprisingly well for Dan. It wasn't something that happened often if Dan had been late to school. As he got to thinking of it, he didn't know if it had ever happened. A day where he was late to school and so he couldn't get the torment in the morning as he would most days.

It was something that never happened to him before, a day where he was late. A peaceful lunch, he knew that something had to have been wrong. He knew that he shouldn't think of it like that, but he knew that Phil was always on him, always bullying and harassing him or someone else(even though it was mainly him).

It never occurred to him that Phil might have to take a break from doing things sometimes, even though in the past two years of knowing him, and getting bullied by him, he never saw him as that person to get tired of tormenting people.

It was after school now and all Dan knew how to do was run, because Phil was chasing after him. He knew if he didn't run or attempt to get away that something was going to happen. When Phil finally caught up to him, because he was of course the quarter back of the football team meaning that he could run fast(faster than Dan could anyway).

All he knew was that he needed to get home, and that was one of the flaws of living so far away from the school. He would have to take longer than most kids did to get home. It took him 15 minutes, depending on the day and what he was doing. If he had to go in for a student meeting on a weekend or something, it took him longer because he normally didn't want to be awake at 10 in the morning on a day that wasn't meant for school. He knew that he could've had it worse and had to wake up that early or earlier everyday, if his mother had forced him to wake up every day of course.

Phil looked at Dan, asked him a question "what the hell do you think you're doing trying to get away from me?" Dan was so out of shape that he just wanted to pass out from having to run so far to try and get away from Phil. He just pushed Dan to the ground and left him alone for the day. He knew that there was going to be bruises on his skin from being pushed around and manhandled that day, but he also knew that it could've been a lot worse.

-

When he got home, the house as quiet, as usual. He knew that his mother hadn't been home because everything was left untouched. It was a silence that he never got used to hearing. It was a silence that told him that he was alone, alone in the house, alone in life. It was something that he never liked, so he never tried to get used to it.

Outside it looked like it was going to rain, the clouds were grey as they covered the skies. The weather forecast giving a slight chance of it, but by looking outside he could already tell that it was going to rain. It was just his state, always raining.

When he finally went up to his room after getting lost in his own thoughts, it was just as he left it that morning, showing no signs that someone had been there, probably because they hadn't. Dan always kept his hopes high, sometimes he would come home to his mother, most of the time he wouldn't though. He would come home to an empty house that reminded him of lonesome, depression, and sadness.

That was something that most families didn't have. Their kids never had to worry about coming home to their parents. The kids didn't have to worry about their parents health as much as Dan had to worry about his mothers. Most people's family was together, not apart. They got to see both of their parents, and if they had siblings, most of them got to see them. Even if it wasn't much, if they were grown and were starting their own family. They still probably got to see them more than Dan got to see his brother, Ryan. It was something that Dan never wanted to get used to. He wanted to be able to see his brother and never really understood why it was such a big deal when he wanted to see him.

He opened his laptop when he got some of his thoughts straightened out. That was something that he was thankful for still having, was internet. He was so glad that he could connect with people online, through social media. He of course made his stuff so people he knew at school couldn't find out what he did online. A lot of the time he read, he liked to read. He knew that if people found out about that, or what movies he watched and what music he listened to, that they'd use it against him. They always did that. That was the one thing that they were good at doing was tormenting people to where they don't want to share their own interest with people around them.

Sometime that evening, Dan fell asleep. He really didn't want to go to school tomorrow, the bruises were just forming on his body and they ached. He didn't know what time he fell asleep, he did know that it was still daylight outside. He also knew that when he woke up his laptop was pushed to the side and it was dark outside. He knew that it was going to be a long night. That tomorrow was going to be a long day.

The time was 5 in the morning, he had slept all night. That was something that he rarely did anymore, was sleep all night. He tried to get up, his body aching. He knew that he wouldn't be able to go to school in the shape that he was in. He was tired, bruised and beaten down. His body couldn't take another day of it. Tomorrow was going to be worse though, he had already been late to school one morning that week. If he missed Phil wouldn't leave him alone the next day, but if he went he wouldn't leave Dan alone that day. So Dan just decided to stay home, it was for the best. It gave his body some time to rest and relax before having to go back in tomorrow, doing the same thing over the weekend.

That was something that he liked about the weekend, was that his body had time to rest and he normally didn't have to take any time out of the week to do that. But this week, he knew that he had to. Not only was his physical health struggling, but his mental health was too. If his mental health struggled too much he start getting sick. When his anxiety rose, he was always sick to his stomach and he had a great amount of pain in his chest. That was why he wasn't going in. Anxiety sky rocketing is something that he wanted to avoid at all cost, not to mention that other factors of his mental health were already struggling.

That day was uneventful, he he went back to sleep sometime that morning, woke up at noon. He was on the internet all day, something that he did a lot when he couldn't go to school or on the weekends. He got up to make lunch, which was a sandwich.

Before he knew it, it was night again. The full moon rose high above the world, the stars dotting the sky. He had always loved the night time. It was one of his favourites because it showed that even the world has dark moments too. Storms had always calmed him, because it showed that sometimes things get rough but they eventually go away.

He never knew when his storm would go away though, it was something that he struggled with for years though. Wanting the pain to end, the bullying, the torment. He wanted to be able to see his brother, and his mom regularly again. But, he knew that wasn't how life worked, even though he wished it was.


	4. f o u r

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are hints of sexual assault in this, so please don't read if that triggers you  
> theres also self harm mentions and bullying mentions.

It was Thursday, today Dan knew that he had to go into school because if he didn't they would more than likely call and ask whats wrong with him since he's not had a doctor call in and tell them what's going on. It's happened more times than he would like to admit but he needed the rest that he got, his body was physically tired from all of Phil's bull shit that was going on.

Dan got up, got dressed, and ran out of the door as usual. Today, he was early instead of late, so he took a longer way to get to the school instead of his normal route. His normal route was the fastest way to get to school by walking, and that was the one that he took almost everyday. But, when he was earlier than normal he would take a different route, one that took 10-20 minutes longer, but calmed his nerves about school.

There was something that Dan was hiding from everyone, something that he didn't want anyone to know about. He was extremely bad for cutting himself. Self harm had been his way to release his pain, and his way out of everything that happened in his life. There had been a lot of things that had happened in the past two to four years of his life. Stuff that he wouldn't even talk about with his family. He never felt save talking about it, as if someone was going to want to do something about it, but he knew that they couldn't anyway. So, what was the point? What was the point of telling anyone all of these things that have happened in his life? If they can't do anything about it and if they're going to put the blame on him for not telling them sooner.

Those were the things that scared Dan the most, was if he did tell someone that they weren't going to believe him because they happened so long ago that he wouldn't be able to prove it. It was just something that he didn't want to talk about with anyone, not his parents, not a therapist, no one.

-

He finally arrived to school, the one place that he didn't want to be at that point in time. It was one of the places that have caused him the most emotional and mental pain, but no one seemed to notice it. Nothing ever crossed peoples minds at times when they think of school, when most people thought of school it was education and a place where you could make friends. But to Dan, all it was is hell, a place that he didn't want to be at.

He saw Phil, not really paying attention to what he was doing, trying to walk past him without any issues. That was the one thing that he didn't want from him today was problems. When he walked past Phil, he didn't run after him or cause him any problems. Dan knew something was up with Phil, he had been acting strange for the past few days and that wasn't like him.

-

Phil saw Dan walk past him, it felt really weird not to do something. But he had realised Tuesday when he was chasing after Dan, and attacked him that he is causing Dan a lot of pain. That was something that he never really intended, it just happened. He just managed to see Dan's arms, his scars and his open wounds. It was something that he was going to try and stop but he knew that it was going to be extremely difficult to do so.

Self harm is something that Phil never wanted to talk about, as he has been someone who did the same. It got so hard in his life to the point that it was his release of everything that was built up, and he assumed that Dan was the same way. He really wanted to ask Dan about it but if he did Dan would probably run away from him, which he didn't blame him. He had been bullying Dan for years now so it was just his instinct to do so.

It was lunch time, and he found Dan. Phil noticed that Dan normally didn't eat in the lunch room, or well at all. Phil followed Dan outside, and Dan went and sat next to a tree that was behind their school building.

Phil went and sat next to Dan, he didn't want to scare him. That was something that he never intended to do in the first place. He wanted to talk to him, and noticing that Dan doesn't look like he was doing well at all. It was something that he didn't notice because he was always too busy harassing him.

"Hi," Phil spoke, "I'm sorry that I'm such a douche bag towards you. I know that has to hurt a lot, even though I never intended for it to." He looked over at Dan, who looked terrified.

"Okay, and why are you talking to me?" Dan muttered out, "I mean its not like you care anyway, all you want to do is get to know me so you can use it against me."

That really hurt Phil to hear, he did care, or he somewhat cared. He really hardly knew Dan, but he knew what he had done to harm him was wrong and he wanted to at least say sorry or something.

"Dan, when I attacked you the other day," Phil started out, "Your sleeves rolled up and I saw your arms. I know that's not what you wanted to hear. I'm sorry" he quickly got the rest out. He knew that would cause Dan pain and that wasn't what he was trying to do, at least not today.

Dan looked at him in shock, that was the one secret that he didn't want to get out to anyone, mainly Phil. "This has to be some joke, right? Like are you fucking with me because if so fuck off" Dan stated, shaking. This was something that Dan really didn't want to have to deal with right now, if Phil did see his arms, it would get out to the entire school and there would be nothing left to do but dig his grave and die.

"Dan, I'm being serious with you. I'm extremely sorry for everything that I've said to you and all of the pain that I've caused you. I know you probably won't ever want to talk to me and that's okay." Phil shot back, he knew that Dan was worried and he honestly didn't blame him. 

The bell rang for them to go back to class, and Dan knew that the rest of the day was going to be long. His mind was still stuck on what Phil had said to him, that wasn't ever something that Phil would say or do, mainly to Dan.

The next classes went by slowly, Dan was stuck in his thoughts the entire time. Most of them consisted of 'If he actually saw my arms, wouldn't he be telling literally everyone?' and 'I don't understand what is happening, and why is he being so nice to me?'

It was finally the end of the day and Dan had never been happier to get out of school. He just wanted his walk home to be peaceful and not cause him any trouble, but Phil just had to ruin that for him.

"Dan, I really just need you to listen to me, okay?" Phil stated, "if I go back to harassing you and bullying you, that will never be something I use against you. I know what it's like to have it use against you and shoved in your face." Phil said, walking away "see ya around"

Dan had never been more confused as to what had happened at school. He knew that Phil was being overly nice to him, but he still didn't understand why. He was extremely happy that he didn't have to hear any of the slurs that came from his mouth though, those were probably the worst and what he couldn't handle the most. 

When he finally made it home, he just laid in bed and questioned what had just happened, he was confused and happy at the same time. He was happy that he went at least one day without Phil bullying him, he couldn't remember what it had felt like. He was confused on the fact that Phil is trying to be his friend and actually talk to him without spitting in his face, since that was something that he would do to Dan.

Dan just decided to let the night overtake him as he finally got tired enough to fall asleep. He was scared as to how tomorrow would play out, but he knew that he had to just let it be and not try to force anything to happen. He also decided to still stay away from Phil, even if he was being nice. He knew that he would use just about anything against Dan if it caused him pain in any way.


End file.
